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madpeanut
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Name: Meghann
Country: United States
State: North Carolina
Metro: Raleigh
Birthday: 12/20/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: Scrapbooking, reading, Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship; Jesus; hanging out with my friends; cooking;
Expertise: English; Literature; Editing
Occupation: none at the moment
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  MissPriss1284
Member Since:
12/12/2004
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| It's been nice, but after 3 years, I'm deciding to leave Xanga behind.
I have started a new blog, though, if you're interested. MissPrissMeg.blogspot.com
Please come visit.
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| Yeah...so I apologize for the amount of time since my last blog.
Anyway, so twice I've cried today...and it's only 2:30 in the afternoon. First, at church a guy just a little older than me is leaving tomorrow to head to Iraq. He is in the Air Force and after a few weeks of training and such in Germany, he will be in Iraq for about four months or so. After we prayed for him, the church gave him a standing ovation for putting his life on the line to fight for and protect us. I teared up and cried a little at this. I'm so thankful to be part of a church (not in a military town) that appreciates what our military men & women do each day.
Secondly, as most people know, Washington Redskins defensive player Sean Taylor was shot and killed in his home early last week. On the halftime report I just watched, they had a report from the Washington game, which is at home this week. After a moment of silence in memory of Taylor, the first play for Washington was a defensive play. The team lined up only 10 players- usually 11. They did this in memory of Taylor, a starting defensive player. Seeing that on the screen made me cry. Such a respect around the league for every single player. Every game had a moment of silence in his memory. And I think every player in the league is wearing a sticker with the number 21(Taylor's number) on the back of their helmets. A very moving respect for each other. Rest in peace, Sean Taylor.
Update: Third tear-jerker of the day: after losing the lead with only 3 seconds left in the game, players for the Washington Redskins on the sidelines crying because they so desperately wanted to win this game to honor Sean Taylor. Very moving.
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| So, I went to Greensboro today to visit Jenn (and saw David too). As I was leaving, I noticed that the moon was pretty close to the horizon, making it look huge. The more I drove, the smaller the moon got because it was getting higher in the sky. And it got me to thinking about love, especially unconditional love.
So if you think about the moon, the average person knows several things to be true. One thing is that the moon doesn't change size. It's the same size all the time. It just depends on where in the rise/fall process we see it that determines how big or small the moon looks. We also know that the moon doesn't really change. I'm sure scientifically there are some changes that take place on the moon, but basically it stays the same. Another thing we know about the moon is that it's always the same color, even if it looks different colors on different nights. Everything about the moon is about our perception of this large astrological body in the solar system.
Those things being established, let's think about unconditional love. To me it's easiest to think of unconditional love in terms of parenthood (also easily translated to God's love for us, but we'll go with parental for the time being). Good parents love their children all the time. From the viewpoint of the parent, the love never diminishes. They love their children despite their flaws, mistakes, screw-ups, successes, and everything else. That's the point of unconditional love. No matter what, I'm going to love you. You can't do anything to make me stop loving you. But from the child's perspective, how different does that love seem? You do something wrong & get punished for it- my parents don't love me. You get an A on a project in school- my parents will love me more because I did well. Your younger sibling gets away with things you never got away with- my parents must love him/her more than me. But as we grow up and our perception of our parents' love changes, we see how very different things were from how we thought they were. No, our parents did not love us more sometimes and less other times. Yes, it may have seemed like that. But showing tough love doesn't mean they loved us less, it shows that they loved us enough to care how we turned out in the end. And when we did well at something and it seemed like they loved us more, that wasn't the case either. They loved us the same. Our success just made it a little easier to show us their love. My favorite of course is the little sibling issue- no my parents didn't love me less than my little brother because he was able to do things that I wasn't. They loved us the same, but because he & I are different, they must show their love in different ways. Years later and I still don't really understand why David got to do things that I didn't, but I know my parents had their reasons. And now that I'm an adult looking back at the situation, that is enough for me.
As I was driving home from Greensboro, my perception of the moon changed a lot. It started huge & orange-ish in the night sky. The position changed a lot since the road turned lots of ways. The further I drove, the smaller the moon got and it became more and more white. It looked more and more like the moon I was used to. I wasn't in shock of it anymore. But I also remembered the beauty of it earlier in the night. In the same way, my perception of my parents' love (and God's love) has changed a lot over the course of my life. When I was younger I thought they were overprotective and completely unfair. But as I've grown up, I see that their love made them want the best for me and want to keep me safe. I see their love for me now as an adult and it amazes me how they have continued to love me, despite the difficult journey it had to have been for them. It is a beautiful thing, love. I can't wait to share this kind of love with children of my own. And I hope when they get older, they will look back and see that despite the tough love and the things they saw as unfair, their father and I loved them unconditionally. I think that is one of the greatest things parents can give to their children- unconditional love.
Just as Jesus loved the church, we should love one another. Love like it's worth it. Love like it's going out of style. Love like today is the last day you have. Love like people mean something to you.
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| God seems to have this way of reminding us that our lives are not that bad. I've been kind of depressed recently about not having a job. The simple fact of knowing that I'm called to teach but not having an opportunity to do that this semester is very disheartening to me. I'm trying to stay positive and remind myself that God's plan is bigger than mine and He has something in store. But that's not always easy when I look at my bank account and realize I have no idea how I'm going to pay the bills. But this week has uncovered a lot of things that show me that this "problem" of mine is so small and trivial. It makes me wonder about myself sometimes. But I know that I needed to be reminded of other people around the world have much bigger problems.
Some of the events of the week:
- a professional football player going about, playing the game the safest he could, broke his back. Though tests since the accident are very positive, he may never walk again. How fleeting every part of our lives can be.
- i saw a video online on Tuesday (6th anniversary of 9/11) from the perspective of a little girl who lost her daddy in the attacks in NY. Being a daddy's girl, I cannot imagine the hurt of losing Daddy in an accident like that (or at all for that matter). I was crying throughout the video.
- a 19-year-old friend of mine may have ovarian cancer. so young, but such a big problem to tackle, especially living hours from your family.
- another young lady I know may need a heart transplant. even though she's had heart problems her whole life, I can't imagine the nervousness and fear involved in this time of her life.
- a 20-year-old guy I went to high school with died in Iraq on Monday after the vehicle he was riding in went over a 33 foot cliff. I didn't know Steven, but I know he was a friend of my brother's friends. It always gets to me to hear about soldiers dying, but this one hits so much closer to home than any others have. I cried thinking about it, such a young guy dying. I found his MySpace and was reading what some people wrote on his wall...I cried about that too. He has a younger sister...I can't even imagine being her or anyone else in their family. That hurt has to be unimaginable.
All of those things have really made me re-examine what matters in life. My parents, my brother, the rest of my family, Joey, my friends... there's nothing more important in this life than to serve God and to love the people He puts in my life. I needed that reminder. Not to get so wrapped up in myself and my problems, but to love the people around me and to do everything with serving Him in mind. I don't know if you need that reminder, too, but there it is if you need it.
I love you all.
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| Today is met with sadness for me. Today, many of my closest friends are going back to school. They are all hitting the books, readying themselves to partake of the knowledge that the university has prepared to give them. Sarah, David, Jenn & Joey are all back in school, learning whatever it is that each of them study. Sarah's dream of vet school started two weeks ago, and she's preparing for her first test. She's been in classes a week and a half and has already learned a ton of stuff. David & Jenn are back in G-boro for their sophomore years. My understanding is that they both like their classes so far (started Monday). Joey started his new degree program today- technical education. He's got 17 hours of education classes. I just got a text from him that said he is really going to like this program, which makes me really excited for him. I loved my degree and loved my classes (most of the time), and I really wish everyone enjoyed getting their degree as much as I enjoyed getting mine. So, all of that is happy. I'm happy for all of them. But it's bittersweet for me. This is the first time in 18 years or so that I haven't been in school. I've been in school since I was 4 years old. I love school. I love learning. I love the environment that school provides for me. I decided not to go to grad school right away because I wanted a break from the student side. I was so ready for my own classroom. But now I have neither, and it makes me kind of sad. I feed off of the classroom environment, and I don't have it now. 
As promised, I came across a blog last weekend that I really want to share with everyone who reads this. It is written by a couple during the course of their first pregnancy and birth of this child. Now, before you ask, I was looking for some information about the boyfriend of a childhood friend of mine (the boyfriend died recently and I was trying to figure out what happened). In the process, I came across a blog, which had a link to this one that I'm blogging about for you. Anyway, early in their pregnancy they discovered that their son, whom they named Isaac, had a very serious heart condition.The pregnancy would be normal, but the little boy would need three open heart surgeries with the first couple years of his life to fix his heart. The first surgery would occur within the first week of his life. Anyway, they blog somewhat frequently starting last October about the process of waiting for Isaac to arrive. Well, Isaac finally arrived in February. He had some complications with things they didn't expect, but was okay overall. They completed the first surgery and it was successful. Everything seemed fine. But then little Isaac got sick. The doctors were able to medicate him and pull him through some very serious nights. The first few months of Isaac's life were spent in UNC Chapel Hill, fighting to live. It was a roller coaster for him and his parents. It wasn't until mid-June that little Isaac was able to go home. He was in the hospital for 110 days. He returned to the hospital for a short stay about a week later. And then was home for almost a month. Then he got sick, returned to the hospital, and his parents found out he was not well enough for his second surgery, nor would he be eligible for a heart transplant (the second option to cure his heart problem). This precious baby's health declined rapidly after this last bout of sickness, and Isaac died on August 5th. He was almost 6 months old. I read this whole blog in one afternoon. It took a couple of hours. But this family's story has been a real inspiration to me lately. Through this whole ordeal, Isaac's parents trusted God and relied on Him and His strength. They knew that no matter what happened with Isaac, God's will would be fulfilled through his little life. And so it was, there are hundreds of comments on the blog about how this story touched lives around the world, reaching across borders and across oceans.
One of the most moving parts of this blog for me, and one of the many parts that made me cry, is a story of how the church this family attends helped to provide for the family. Of course, with Isaac staying in the hospital so long, the medical bills were going to be enormous. The couple was given a quote for the amount it would cost for him to stay there, but they never shared the amount with anyone. In the blog, they simply refer to it as "quite great", even after their insurance paid their part. So, their church took up a "spontaneous" love offering one night when the couple was able to make it to church. The amount collected from their body of Christ was enough, after their tithe, to cover the quote they were given. Now, I'm no genius. But when my grandmother was in the hospital for twelve days, the bill was something like $80,000. I can't imagine what their original quote was. But their church family bonded together and fulfilled a real need in this family's life. This filled my heart with joy and my eyes with tears. How wonderful it is to serve a God who provides us with the things we need and with people who will support us through those times of need.
I seriously could write for a while about this blog. But I'd much rather tell you to go and read some of it yourself. I realize most people don't have two hours to sit and read the whole thing, but read some of it and see how inspiring the faith of this couple is. It has literally changed my life and helped me to deal with this job issue. God bless this family!
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